


i know what you want from me

by VillainousTalking (rainbowshoes)



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (kinda?), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Child Abuse, Drunk Driving, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Violence, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Beta Read, Oneshot for now, Protective Bucky Barnes, Songfic, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Underage Drinking, im bad at everything really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-09-27 08:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17158991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowshoes/pseuds/VillainousTalking
Summary: based on the song "18" by AnarborBucky's in a band; Tony's 18. Add in some drama with Clint, some of Howard's A+ parenting, and Tony's notorious habit of keeping things that "don't matter" secret and it's a recipe for disaster.





	1. Chapter 1

When Bucky heard the two sharp horn blasts, he looked to Steve first. Steve looked up from his sketchbook with a frown, which clearly meant he wasn't expecting anyone over today. And sure, they had rehearsal in an hour with the rest of the band, but they never announced their presence, never even knocked anymore, just walked straight in. There were, admittedly few, benefits to living off campus in the four bedroom house, but one of them involved turning the dining room into a practice room, and the other was that Bucky had a nice, convenient space for his bike right next to Steve's old beater car in the tiny garage. The other was that their closest neighbors were all college age kids, too, who rarely complained about the noise and who regularly came to their shows.

Bucky rolled his eyes at Steve when Steve huffed at the door after the next, longer, honk. He climbed to his feet, beer still in hand, still shirtless and shoeless, and walked across the cluttered living room to open the door. He half expected to see Clint being a dick or something, but the sight of the drop-dead gorgeous, cherry red Shelby Cobra is a car he's only seen once before in person. In Tony's dad's garage.

Only, Tony is the one behind the wheel, grinning like the madman he claims he is behind his designer shades. Bucky props himself at the door jamb and crosses his arms over his chest and takes a sip of his beer slowly, admiring the car and his feisty little boyfriend.

“Hey babe!” Tony shouts with that same insane grin. He finally kills the engine and steps out of the car. Bucky wolf-whistles just to get that little eye roll he likes so much.

“Your old man finally give in, or did you boost this one?” Bucky asks, not particularly caring either way. Tony flashes him a sharp grin. That, usually, doesn't mean anything good. Tony bounds up the rickety porch stairs, and Bucky catches Tony against his chest, kissing him gently. He's always gentle with Tony, never even yells in front of him, though it takes a huge amount of effort. He'd thrown a beer bottle once, when Clint came home and admitted to wrecking his bike, but Tony had _flinched_ , and while Bucky never got a reason or story out of why Tony gets so quiet when people yell or seem angry, everyone in Bucky's band and immediate group of friends are overly cautious around him.

“I'm borrowing it,” Tony corrects with a wink. “They're gone for the week. Dad has some business thing, and Mom went with him.” He smooths his hands down Bucky's chest and sides to rest on his hips. “So, wanna have a sleepover?”

Bucky laughs and cups the back of Tony's neck as he kisses him. “Come on, hot shot, come inside. You bring your things?” Tony hums his affirmative against Bucky's lips, but he backs off enough for them to go through the door. “Tony's stayin’ the week, Stevie.”

“Hey, Tony,” Steve says with a smile. “Guess that means you'll get to come to the show this weekend after all, huh?”

“Damn right,” Tony says with a brilliant grin. He flops on the old, ratty couch in the spot he's designated as his own. “And hey, I had an idea about tee shirts. I can't draw for shit, though. Steve?”

Steve immediately flips to a new page in his sketchbook, and Tony launches into an explanation for a complex design. Bucky grins and rubs his hand across Tony's head as he heads for the kitchen to grab a beer for Tony. Steve hadn't liked Tony at first, and Tony hadn't liked Steve, but that was four months ago, before Tony began to come around more often and before Bucky and Tony were really a _thing_ and more a casual hookup.

“ _So if you wanna piss off your parents, date me to scare them, show them you're all grown up_ ,” Bucky sings under his breath as he heads back into the living room. Tony perks up at the lyrics, having never heard them before. Well, Bucky figures Tony will just have to wait until the show. He grins at Tony and flops on the couch before handing over the beer. Tony accepts with a quick kiss, then turns right back to Steve, pointing to a part of the drawing and telling Steve how he'd pictured it differently.

They relax, mostly, until Natasha and Clint arrive, and shortly after, Sam. Tony bounces all over the place for a while, but he settles once they begin their tune up and practice songs. They work up to their harder, heavier pieces, with Steve providing the softer lyrics and Bucky adding the harsher, deeper lyrics and screaming. Natasha absolutely shreds through her half-minute drum solo, and Sam is probably the best bassist Bucky's ever heard outside of a big name metal band, and better than even some of those. Steve carries the main tune, Bucky has secondary, and Clint is on synth, though they've been careful to plan around him much of the time since Clint tends to break his fingers getting into bar brawls or doing other stupid shit.

After their heaviest song, they jump into something with more pop, fun and light and fast, simple. Tony knows every word to every song, and Bucky likes to wink at him or make faces when he's not singing. One last song, a soft, slow ballad Steve's been working on - alone - for his crush, Peggy, and then they're finished for the night. The show is tomorrow night at the bar just off campus, but Bucky's pretty sure they can squeeze in one more rehearsal - without Tony nearby - tomorrow afternoon while Tony's finishing up his last class with Professor Banner. Tony won't skip that class for anything.

Once everything is put away and while everyone is grabbing water, Bucky jumps in the shower. He's always sweaty after rehearsal. The dining room is small and hot and he always winds up right beside the amps that block the a/c. By the time he's finished, everyone has relocated outside with the grill lit for burgers and more beer. It's a nice night, full of laughter and jokes and smiles.

Later that night, after the others have gone, Tony and Bucky head to Bucky's room. It's a four bedroom, but only Steve and Bucky live in the house. One of the bedrooms is Steve’s art studio, and the other is Bucky's workout room. They get cheap rent, though, and just the pair of them can afford to live there between Steve’s art scholarship and Bucky's music scholarship, not to mention the money they make from their gigs. Bucky has the master bedroom, and Steve has the next biggest, though there isn't much difference in size, mostly it was just the bathroom Bucky wanted and Steve didn't care as much about.

“What was that song you were singing earlier?” Tony asks as he strips to his boxers and flops on the bed beside Bucky.

Bucky curls his arm around Tony's back and grins. “It's a surprise. You'll hear it at the show.” He kisses Tony before he can pout and complain. “Should get to sleep, sweetheart. We both got class early.” He smiles and presses a kiss to Tony's forehead next.

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony grumbles. He yawns, even as he complains. “I could do Pym's class with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back.”

“That the same one that gave you an F on that paper last semester?” Bucky asks with a chuckle. Tony grumbles something under his breath as he tucks his face into Bucky's chest under his chin. Bucky smooths his hand up and down Tony's back. “Sleep, baby. We'll have a damn long day tomorrow.” Tony nods into Bucky's chest and kisses the tattoo of the anatomically correct heart over his chest, right where his real heart is. Mixed into the lines are his family's names, including Steve’s.

* * *

The next day seems to go by entirely too fast for Bucky. One minute he's walking into his first lecture for the day, the next he's scrambling to get home to practice with the band one last time - namely for the song for Tony and Steve's song for Peggy - and then they're loading everything into the back of Sam's aging pickup. Tony shows up at the venue just in time to help unload, but everyone is panicking slightly since no one can find Clint. He dipped out, apparently, after his second class of the day, and no one has heard from him since.

Natasha gets a call half an hour before the show is about to start, ducks out the back to actually be able to hear, and comes back five minutes later with a grim look on her face.

“Tell me you know where that asshole is!” Bucky snaps as he finishes with the connections from Clint's snyth to the amp in the corner.

“Jail,” she says, her expression flat. She shrugs at Sam's outraged noise. “Barney showed up, apparently, and the pair of them had it out. He's facing some minor assault charges. Barney is getting hit with third degree battery. Apparently, he stabbed Clint in front of the cops.”

“Son of a bitch!” Bucky groans, hanging his head and digging his fingers into his hair. “Is he okay?” Natasha nods once, which means Bucky can freak out about their other problems. “What are we gonna do? The music doesn't sound as good without Clint, and our line up for the night is set. We can't change it this late.”

“Know anyone else you can call?” Sam gripes sarcastically. Bucky does, but he really doesn't want to resort to asking _Rumlow_ of all people. They'd been friends, once, but Brock was an asshole. He knows the music, though. Bucky chews his lip for a moment.

“Hey, Clint still hasn't shown?” Tony jogs up the stairs from backstage with a frown as he looks around at their expressions. “Fuck. What happened?”

“Birdbrain got arrested,” Steve says. “Again.”

“And stabbed,” Sam adds, just to be a shithead, honestly. Tony looks panicked for a moment, but Sam just shrugs. “Nat says he’s fine, and I’m inclined to believe her.”

Tony sighs. “Well, I can bail him out, but it'll take too long to get him here before the show. It'd be over before I got back with him.” Tony says it like he's speaking from experience, and Bucky has to wonder about that. Now isn't the time, though.

“Tony,” Natasha says, her eyes wide and glued on him. He raises an eyebrow at her curiously. “You play piano. Do you know Clint's parts?”

There's an immediate change in the air, from dejected to hopeful. Tony flushes pink and looks at the floor. “I mean, yeah?” He scuffs his boot on the floor. “He taught me nearly all of it. I'm still learning a couple of them, but those are the older songs…” He doesn't sound thrilled.

Bucky jogs toward Tony and captures his wrist before tugging him back down the stairs and into the darkness backstage. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“Howard,” Tony says simply. He won't look at Bucky. “I'm...not supposed to be here.”

“You're eighteen, what can he do?” Bucky asks.

“A lot,” Tony mutters, almost too quietly for Bucky to hear. “Fuck it, nevermind. I'll -” He stops, swallows hard, and looks up at Bucky. “If you want me to, I'll do it. Can't say I'll be as good as Clint, but I'll try.”

Bucky cradles Tony's face in his hands and kisses the life out of him. “You literally just saved our collective asses, babe. Seriously. The bar is charging a five dollar cover, and we get all that money. You'll get Clint's share, and I'll make him pay you back the bail money, I swear. We can deal with his stupid ass tomorrow. Let him sit there tonight.”

“But -”

Bucky shakes his head. “Ain't the first time Clint's done something stupid like this. He's supposed to call me or Nat, hell even _Sam_ if Barney shows up. He didn't, and that's on him. Come on.” Tony's already wearing his own band tee, the same one the others are wearing.

They head back up to the stage, Bucky with a huge smile. “Tony's gonna play for Clint tonight!”

“Right on, brother!” Sam says, offering Tony a high-five. “Stage fright won't bother you?”

Tony snorts. “I've been to more piano recitals than I can count, and back then, I was on the stage alone. This'll be cake.” He grins. He looks over at Clint’s setup, though, and frowns. “I gotta sing?”

“Not if you don't want to,” Steve says with a shrug. “We’ve all heard you, though. Most of the time you sound better than Clint. You'll be fine.” Clint is only ever serious during their shows, though, and they all know that. The rest of the time he's intentionally bad.

“All right, let's…” Tony walks over to the synth and runs his fingers over the keys without touching them. “Can we run through a quick song?”

“Whatever you need,” Natasha says with a nod. She grabs the sticks from her back pocket and twirls them through her fingers before taking her seat behind her drum set. She'd saved every penny she could for months to afford such a nice one.

“I need a drink,” Tony says with a laugh. “Can't believe I'm about to do this.”

“We've got time,” Sam says with a shrug. “Y'all get started.” Sam heads backstage, leaving Tony with a wide-eyed expression. Bucky grins as he grabs his guitar.

“You're doing us a huge favor,” Steve says simply. “We can't cancel, and I'm pretty sure our only other choice is Rumlow, and I'd really rather not ask him to show on such short notice.”

Bucky snorts, but Natasha is the one who responds. “Like he isn't out there already.” She shakes her head. “Amps off. Let's go quiet for this one.” Tony nods and stands at the ready, popping his fingers in quick succession. She taps the edge of her snare and counts them off. Steve calls their song, and they begin. Tony keeps up perfectly, and they finish right as Sam returns with a shot and a beer.

“Drink up, man,” Sam says, handing both to Tony. “Jager bomb. Figured it'd get you buzzed enough for most of the show.”

Tony nods his thanks and drops the shot glass into the beer before chugging both desperately. Bucky watches with a wry smile while Sam looks on with just a little bit of horror that someone Tony's age knows how to take a jager bomb like a damn champ. Still, when Tony finishes it, he grimaces and shivers.

“Damn, that's nasty.” He laughs a little. “It'll do the trick, though. Thanks, man. I owe you one.”

“Nah,” Sam says with a grin. “One of the fans bought it anyway.” Tony smiles at that, though it's a little bit more of a grimace.

“How much time, Nat?” Steve asks, looking back at Natasha.

“Five minutes,” she says. “But we can open now. I doubt anyone will complain.” She gives them all her shark-like smile through black lipstick.

“Let's get it started, then,” Steve says with a nod. “Replay last song for the opener. Tony, you got a copy of the setlist?”

“Got it,” Tony says. “Hey - wait, what's “18”? I don't know that one.”

“It's fine,” Bucky says with a smile. “Clint doesn't play for that one.” He winks over his shoulder at Tony. “Hit the amps, doll.”

They hear the dull hum start up, and then the curtain drags off to one side. This place is one of the only places they've ever played that actually has a curtain. Bucky's grateful for it, though, especially when shit happens right before or after a show.

He strums one loud, hissing cord, and the bar shouts and hoops at the noise. Steve grabs his mic and opens with a quick welcome and thanks, same speech he always gives, and then they launch straight into the first song.

There's no stopping once they've begun. Shows are rough like that, but they practice the same way for a reason. The only time they practice any differently is when they're working their way through a new song. Bucky writes most of them - music included - but Steve does some lyrics, and Sam and Nat and Clint like to improvise a bit with whatever he's written for them. He never minds much, as long as it still sounds good and close to the same thing he hears in his head.

“18” is near the end of the setlist, thankfully. They pause for a minute just before that song, and Bucky angles himself a little more toward the side so he can face Tony. Steve doesn't sing as much for this part, and Bucky plays the melody. It's not a first, but it's a rare occurrence for anything that's not particularly heavy. Tony grabs his water and chugs several gulps, then smiles brilliantly for Bucky. He's sweating just as much as the rest of them.

Bucky opens the song almost right away with lyrics, and Tony's eyes go wide. He's laughing by the time Bucky makes it to the chorus. Bucky notices, though, at “ _And I know it's just a phase, you're not in love with me_ ,” that Tony's eyes flash with hurt, but then he forces the smile right back into place, as if it were never there. Bucky doesn't see the expression again for the rest of the song, and then it's time for the last two, ending on their cover of Blink-182's “All the Small Things,” the song that got them so popular in the first place.

They bow out to lots of cheers and screams, even a few things thrown on stage. Natasha claims the hot pink bra for herself, to everyone's cheers and laughter, setting it directly over her cymbals. The curtains finally close, and Bucky slings his guitar strap over his head before setting it in its case. He grabs Tony and lifts him, spinning in a tight circle and laughing.

“You were perfect, babe!”

“Put me down!” Tony says, laughing and smacking Bucky's arm. Bucky does, but then he kisses Tony soundly. “You guys were the ones who were amazing. And the new song! That was perfect!” He laughs and grins. “Can't believe you're calling me out on wanting to move in with you.” He laughs lightly. It had, Bucky knows, been a joke at the time. Tony does tend to spend quite a lot of time at Bucky's and Steve’s house, though. Ever since Tony's best friend, Jim Rhodes, graduated and moved out at the end of last semester to join the Air Force, Tony never really seems to want to go home. Not that Bucky particularly minds.

“I'm glad you liked it,” Bucky says. He'll ask about that look he saw later. “Come on, let's get this stuff packed and go get some drinks, then we can go bail Clint's stupid ass out of jail, I guess.”

The band breaks down the equipment with practiced moves and they get everything stored and loaded in less than half an hour. Tony's more than helpful, too, as he always is. By the time they get back inside to get drinks, they're all worn and exhausted. The crowd's reaction to seeing them reenter the bar brings their spirits right back up, though, and no member of the band has to buy their own drinks. Tony is the only one who can't drink. Despite already working on his second master's - and knowing he'll finish that one and begin his first doctorate after this semester - he's still only eighteen.

They linger at the bar for only an hour. Sam, who didn't have more than one beer, drives the pickup and Steve back to the house. The band will stay the night so they can party tonight to celebrate the great show. This was, admittedly, one of the biggest they've played. Natasha rides in the back of Tony's dad's Shelby Cobra with Bucky in the passenger's seat. Bucky almost wishes Nat wasn't with them so he could ask Tony about the look he saw, but he thinks it might be best to wait, anyhow.

They are able to pay Clint's bail right there at the jail thanks to the preset amounts from the Magistrate's office, but it isn't cheap. Tony doesn't blink as he forks over a wad of cash. Bucky kisses Tony's cheek in thanks. It takes another half hour for them to process and release Clint, and Bucky grimaces at the sight of him. They'd at least taken the time to put some butterfly stitches over the gash under his eye where the skin split from the force of one of Barney's punches. The rest of that eye is a lurid shade of purple and swollen enough that Clint can't open his eye. He moves slowly, too, sort of limping and dragging his left leg behind himself in an awkward shuffle. Natasha is quick to duck under Clint’s arm and offer him some support.

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Tony asks quietly.

“Nah,” Clint says, waving away Tony's concern with splinted fingers. “EMTs patched me up before the cops dragged me here. I'm as good as I'll get.”

“Ice, then,” Tony says with a nod. He turns to lead the way out, and Bucky is struck again by how it feels like Tony has dealt with this sort of thing before. But when would he have? He knows Jim kept a damn close watch over Tony until he had to leave. Jim never would have let Tony get into this sort of trouble.

Bucky walks close to Natasha and Clint and quietly offers up the roomier front seat, but Clint shakes his head stubbornly. Bucky just sighs and doesn't try to fight him. They manage to get settled in the car quickly enough, and then it's a quiet drive home. Bucky's buzz has faded into nothingness by the time they make it there, but it's not a big deal.

The moment they're through the door, Tony grabs the first bottle he can get his hands on and upends it. Bucky rubs his back gently, but he doesn't say anything. Tony's never seen Clint quite this beat up before, but everyone else has. Hell, Bucky remembers when he used to get beat on that badly. It's never been pretty.

Nat gets Clint settled in one of the lawn chairs outside and forces him to press an ice pack to his face. She checks the stitches in his arm herself, must deem them acceptable since she doesn't touch them, and they drink a silent toast together before Natasha begins telling Clint about their night, with Sam and Steve throwing in their own sides to the story, and Bucky adding his voice to everyone praising Tony.

Tony seems to burn through too much alcohol too fast, but when Bucky mentions slowing down, Tony gives him the same quality of shark-like smile Natasha wears so well and leaves Bucky's side to go sit near Natasha. Bucky gets a curious look from Natasha for that move, but he just shrugs. Maybe Natasha will slow Tony down. He heads inside to find some food for them to snack on until the pizzas Tony ordered arrive in an hour.

Bucky doesn't see Tony when he goes back outside. He’d walked out front to smoke since Natasha just quit and she'd asked him not to smoke in front of her, and he hasn't smoked around Steve ever due to Steve's asthma. Natasha catches Bucky's eye and looks over at the corner of the yard by the side of the house, the part perpetually hidden in dark shadow thanks to the part of the house that sticks out and blocks the porch light. The neighbors have a fence around their yard, which only adds to the darkness. Bucky walks over with a frown. He can't hear anything over the music Sam has playing until he steps around the edge of the house, and then he can hear the retching and sobbing.

Tony's bent over near the front corner of the house, puking into the bushes. Bucky isn't worried about the bushes - he and Steve actually _tried_ to kill them and they wouldn't die. But he is very worried about Tony.

“Babe?” Bucky asks quietly. Tony waves Bucky away, but Bucky doesn't obey. “Tony, I'm not going to leave you out here. What's wrong?” Bucky comes closer, but that makes Tony inch further away. Tony spits a couple times and straightens, then wipes his eyes before his mouth using the hem of his shirt.

“I'm gonna go, okay?” Tony says miserably. “I - I shouldn't stay.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bucky asks, distressed and even more worried now. Tony's always begging to stay. “Tony, I really can't let you leave, not after all you just drank.”

“Puked it all up,” Tony says with what might be the fakest smile Bucky has ever seen. “I need to go, okay? How- I mean, my dad texted me. He and mom didn't leave after all. Mom didn't feel well. He knows I took the car. I have to go, okay?”

“At least let Sam drive you,” Bucky begs. “You know he doesn't drink much.” He tries to step closer, but Tony backs away again. “Tony, please. Tell me what's wrong! Why won't you let me close?”

“Bye,” Tony mutters. He just walks away, and it doesn't matter that Bucky tries to jog after him or shout his name, Tony almost flat-out runs to the car and practically peels off he leaves so quickly.

Bucky breathes hard, scraping his hands through his hair. “Fuck!” he shouts angrily. He walks back to the house, desperately wishing he had something to hit. He stomps around the side and into the back yard, going straight to Natasha. “Tony left. Just now. Do you know why?”

She presses her lips tightly together, which tells Bucky she knows _something_. “He said his father called during the show. He left a voicemail. There was a lot of shouting.”

“Come on, man, let's go after him,” Sam says setting the beer he'd only had half of off to the side. “We can at least make sure he gets home okay.”

“Howard's a dick,” Bucky says plainly, “but he's gotta understand letting Tony stay the night if he's been drinking, right?” He seethes, gritting his teeth as he rakes his hands through his hair again. He grabs the tie from his wrist and knots it in a quick bun. “Fuck _all_ of this. Fuck!” He kicks an empty chair over and stops around the yard to wait for Sam over by his truck. To his surprise, Natasha is by Sam’s side.

“Come on, hopefully he hasn't gotten too far,” Sam says. They climb into his truck, and Bucky purposefully sits in the back to discourage any conversation. At least they let him get away with it. Bucky fiddles with his phone idly, wanting and yet not wanting to text or call Tony to make sure he's still alive and in one piece and not dead on the side of the road somewhere.

The drive out to the giant Stark house in the ridiculously upper-upper-class neighborhood takes over half an hour. Bucky makes a mental note to give Sam some gas money for this trip. Bucky's only been out here twice himself, and he'd been on his bike both times. He'd also met Howard both times, and while Howard hadn't necessarily seemed the raging homophobe type, he certainly hadn't been happy to see anyone like _Bucky_. He'd written “18” for a reason, after all. The long hair and tattoos definitely seemed to piss Howard off more than the fact that he was a guy.

They don't pass any wrecks on the way, but that doesn't mean a whole lot, considering Tony could have taken another route. It wasn't likely, but it was possible. Bucky doesn't relax at all until he sees the cherry red hunk of sin on wheels parked in the driveway. It's crooked, but there, and there isn't a scratch on it.

“Come on, let's just -” Bucky stops talking when he sees Howard step outside. Sam had killed the headlights as soon as they entered the neighborhood. It isn't technically gated, but they would definitely be asked to leave if someone saw them. They're at the end of the long drive, and Bucky knows how light-blindness works - Howard won't be able to see them, though they can see him just fine.

Tony steps out of the car, and Sam rolls down his window as Bucky does the same. They're being nosey as fuck, but Bucky can't help it. He has to know what the fuck is going on with Tony. He hates not knowing.

And then Howard slaps Tony, and Bucky sees red. He barely processes the way Howard punches Tony again, in the ribs this time, and how Tony collapses to his knees right there on the driveway for anyone and everyone to see. He's too busy jumping out of the truck and jogging up the small slope, determined to stop Howard before he hits Tony again. He fails when Howard kicks Tony, and Bucky could just about kick himself for failing.

He grabs Howard and shoves him away from Tony, but he doesn't hit him. Not yet. He's drawing back his fist to do just that when Natasha grabs his arm and holds him with all the strength she has - which is a fair bit more than anyone realizes when looking at her. She's nearly as strong as Bucky is.

“You bastard!” Bucky shouts instead. He can still scream, even if that upsets Tony. He's too angry right now to hold himself back.

“Get off my property, Barnes!” Howard snaps. “I'll call the police.”

“I oughta call ‘em on you for beatin’ th’ shit outta your son!” Bucky snaps in return. He makes a frustrated sound in his throat and snatches his arm away from Natasha. But he doesn't go after Howard, as much as he might want to. Instead, Bucky kneels beside Tony and helps him sit up slowly. His pupils are two different sizes, and Bucky guesses Tony must have hit his head mighty damn hard when he fell to get a concussion. He carefully brushes his fingers through Tony's hair, and Tony hisses when Bucky finds the tender lump already swelling on the back of Tony's head.

“Christ, baby,” Bucky whispers. “Come on, let's get you out of here, huh?”

“Take him,” Howard says, and spits on the ground near Bucky's boots. “He's worthless. Pathetic. Should have had Maria get rid of him before he was born.”

Natasha darts in close to murmur something to Howard, but Bucky isn't giving the man any more of his time or attention. He's more worried about Tony. Tony can't even seem to sit up straight, so he scoops Tony into his arms and carries him down the driveway to Sam's truck. Sam meets him about halfway and opens the door for Bucky when they get to the truck, then helps get Tony settled in the back seat.

“Pretty sure he has a concussion,” Bucky says when Tony whimpers at the light inside the cab. Sam immediately cuts off the interior lights. “Should we take him to the hospital?”

“No,” Tony says quietly. “Just...back to my dorm or something. I'll be fine.”

“I can help him enough at your place,” Sam says. He's got some medical training, so Bucky nods. Bucky gathers Tony in his arms, and Tony goes willingly enough, hiding his face in Bucky's shoulder. Bucky only knows Tony is crying from the way his shoulders are shaking and the wet feeling on his chest where Tony's tears have bled through his shirt.

“Tony, can you tell me what day it is?” Sam asks standing beside Bucky. He gently turns Tony's head to the side. Bucky has no clue where the pen light came from, but Tony cringes away from it when Sam shines it in his eyes.

“Friday,” Tony whispers. “September twenty-second.”

“Great,” Sam says with a nod. Natasha appears behind him out of the darkness, but Sam ignores her. “What did we do tonight?”

“Played the show,” Tony answers quietly. “Clint got arrested, so I played synth. We bailed him out, then went back to Bucky's. Drank some. I drove here.”

“Perfect,” Sam says with a nod. “Let's get back to Bucky's, huh? We'll get you a couple ice packs, and I can take a look at your ribs, too.”

“Just take me to my dorm,” Tony says miserably. “Ruined your night already.”

“You didn't ruin anything,” Bucky says, running his hand up and down Tony's back, trying to be as soothing as he can be. “Please, baby, let us take care of you, okay?” Tony doesn't protest this time, though he clearly wants to.

“Antonishka,” Natasha says quietly. She leans forward once Sam moves out of her way and whispers in such quiet Russian that Bucky can't hear her, though Tony nods after a moment. She whispers something else, then kisses Tony's forehead. She looks at Bucky, nods once, then walks around the front of the truck to get back in the cab.

Sam drives them back to the house in silence, taking the turns extra slow and easing over potholes with as much care as he can manage. Bucky hums songs to Tony and kisses his hair and rubs his back the entire time. By the time they reach the house, Tony is pretty out of it once again, but Bucky thinks it might be less the concussion and more the alcohol from earlier this time. Sam helps him get Tony out of the truck, but Bucky carries Tony inside and into his bedroom. He lays Tony on the bed, then carefully and slowly strips him down to his boxers before tossing the blankets over his hips and legs. He doesn't quite touch the bruises forming along Tony's ribs, but the sight of them piss him off again.

Sam knocks lightly at the door and holds up a couple ice packs. Natasha is beside him. “Baby, Sam and Nat are gonna take care of you for a bit, okay? I'll be right back.” He kisses Tony's cheek then ducks out of the room and stomps out to the front porch to smoke.

Steve finds him there a moment later. “Nat didn't say much, just that you guys brought Tony back. What happened?”

“Howard was beating the shit out of him,” Bucky says around a mouthful of cigarette smoke. He exhales it harshly and draws in another breath of it. “I never wanted to punch a man so bad, Stevie. Never in my whole fuckin’ life. But I didn't. Nat stopped me, and then I was too worried about Tony to care. He has a fuckin’ concussion and probably bruised ribs, if not broken.”

“Jesus,” Steve sighs. He leans over the banister beside Bucky. “He's gonna stay here for a while, right?”

“Maybe,” Bucky says with a shrug. “Was aksin’ to go back to his dorm, but Sam and Nat got him to agree to stay here, I guess.” Bucky stubs out the butt and immediately lights another. “Guess that explains those bruises he kept givin’ me all those stories for, huh? Feel like a piece of shit for believin’ him about those.”

“He didn't want you to know,” Steve says with a small shrug. He frowns when Bucky gives him a nasty look. “I'm not saying it was right, but… I get it, okay? I was a kid last time I saw my dad, but still. I remember what that was like.” Steve blows out a noisy sigh. “Makes sense why he doesn't like it when people yell and fight in front of him, too. Feel pretty shitty about thinking he's a spoiled brat, now.”

“Oh, he's still spoiled,” Bucky says with a small smile, thinking about all the money he'd forked out to take Tony to his favorite restaurant. His smile falls flat and he shakes his head. “Can't believe I didn't see it.”

“You wouldn't have,” Natasha says from behind them. Bucky turns to look at her and takes a few more steps away from Steve to keep the smoke further away from both of them. She steps closer to Bucky and snags the pack from his front pocket before lighting her own. “I...suspected.” She frowns down at the porch with the admission.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Bucky asks, just a little angry with her.

“It wasn't my place,” she says simply. “He's asking for you, though. You'll need to set some alarms. Make sure he doesn't sleep for more than two hours at the time until around six, and then four hours after that. He should be okay for tomorrow night.” Bucky nods. He's had to do that for Clint more than once.

“I'm so pissed,” he admits as he takes one last drag from his cigarette. “Can't believe he hid this from everyone.”

“He's been hiding it his entire life,” Natasha says quietly. “I suppose Jim knows, but he may well be the only one. Tony likely didn't tell him, either. This...this sort of secret isn't one people like us know to tell.” She gives Steve a certain look, and Steve nods and shrugs.

“Most I ever got from my parents was a whippin’ when I needed it,” Bucky says as he stubs out his cigarette. “And I was only eight or nine when I found out about Steve. I don't…” He licks his bottom lip and looks at Natasha. “I don't know how to deal with this.”

“The same way you have been,” she says simply. “With kindness and gentleness. Don't get mad at him for not telling you. He likely didn't know how. It took a very long time for me to make it clear to Clint, and you only know now.” Bucky nods. He's known Natasha for years, and she'd never mentioned anything like past abuse. She stubs out her own cigarette and follows Bucky inside, but she pulls him into the workout room before he reaches the master bedroom.

“Do you love him?” she asks.

Bucky nearly chokes. “I - yeah,” he admits in a whisper. “Figured it was just a - a phase or something, for him. Piss off his parents, ya know?”

She makes a quiet noise. “Perhaps it would be...wise to tell him. Support him, for now, and mention it when he's feeling more himself. I think saying it now will only make him feel guilty.”

“Right,” Bucky says with a tired nod. “Anythin’ else?”

“Go see him,” Natasha says.

Bucky leaves the room and walks to his room at the end of the hall. Tony is curled up in the big bed with one ice pack held loosely to the back of his head and the other balancing on his ribs. His back is to the room. Sam pats Tony's shoulder and stands to leave without a word. He squeezes Bucky's shoulder in silent support, and Bucky nods once.

“Mind if I join you, baby?” Bucky asks quietly.

“C'mere,” Tony mumbles. Bucky quickly unlaces and steps out of his boots, shucks his jeans and shirt, then carries his phone with him as he climbs over Tony to settle in the bed with his back to the wall. “Hey.” Tony's eyes are closed.

“Hey yourself,” Bucky whispers. He cups Tony's cheek gently and curses Howard in his mind when Tony flinches badly before relaxing again. He brushes his thumb over Tony's cheek as gently as he can. “You doin’ okay?”

“Mostly,” Tony says. “Gonna have a hell of a headache in the morning.”

“We’ve got stuff for that,” Bucky says as gently as he can. “I know you're tired. Try to get some sleep, okay? I'll set some alarms to make sure you don't sleep too long.”

Tony nods slightly. “I'm sorry,” he whispers, the words breaking.

“Oh, sweetheart, you ain't got nothin’ to be sorry for,” Bucky says. “I swear, baby.”

“I - I never told you,” Tony says, curling even closer. Bucky wraps his arms around Tony and lets him hide the way he's sure Tony wants to. “I've never told anyone. I'm - I'm sorry. For lying. For not saying anything.”

Bucky thinks back to what Natasha said earlier. “It's okay,” he says. “It can't be easy, tryin’ to tell someone that sort of thing. And I - I don't understand, not like I should, but I get that part, okay? I don't blame you. Not at all. I'm not mad at you, only Howard for doin’ this to you for so long and me not bein’ able to stop him.”

Tony clutches Bucky even tighter, and Bucky hates that he's surprised he can actually hear Tony crying this time. Bucky gently shushes him and rubs his back, but it doesn't take long for Tony to cry himself out. He's asleep just minutes later, and Bucky takes the time to set some alarms and plug in his phone before wrapping his arms more securely around Tony and drifting off himself.

* * *

As soon as Monday had rolled around, Tony left for class, and Bucky didn't see much of him or hear much from him after that. Tony didn't even come to listen to practice or the more formal weekly rehearsal. Bucky gets his updates mostly from the others who see him around campus more often than Bucky does. He spots Tony only once, during lunch one day, but by the time he gets to Tony's table, he's gone.

After two weeks of all-out avoidance, Bucky cracks. He goes to Tony's dorm and waits. Someone lets him in the building, and then he sits outside of Tony's door while he waits for Tony. It's damn near close to midnight when Tony stumbles out of the elevator. At first, Bucky thinks Tony's drunk, but Bucky knows what drunk Tony looks like. This is exhausted Tony, Tony who hasn't slept in days, most likely, and who has been running on nothing but caffeine and spite. Bucky stands when he sees Tony grab the wall for support, and he manages to step closer and catch Tony just before he pitches over and falls flat on his face when he stumbles.

“Bucky?” Tony asks, squinting his eyes as he looks up at him. “What're you doing here?”

“Well, you've been ignoring and avoiding me, so I came to ask why,” Bucky says honestly. “Let's at least get you inside before you fall again, all right?” Tony nods and yawns loudly. He's nearly asleep in Bucky's arms, so Bucky digs Tony's keys from his pocket and unlocks the door. Tony's lived alone since Jim moved out, which at least means Bucky doesn't have to worry about Tony's roommate. He gets Tony over to his bed and takes his bag from him, then yanks off his shoes and helps Tony out of his jeans before tucking the blanket around his shoulders.

Of course, that's when Tony wakes up again. He squints at Bucky as if he can't be sure he's really there, then sits up. Bucky sits on the edge of Tony's bed. He's definitely not about to let Tony get back up and try to leave.

“Why do you care?” Tony asks, as if there were no gap at all in their conversation. “You said - in your song, you said it was just a phase.”

Bucky sighs softly. “Did you listen to all the lyrics, or just certain ones? Because it says ‘ _I know it's just a phase, you're not in love with me_.’” Bucky squeezes Tony's calf over the blanket. “That didn't mean I don't love you. I just…” He looks away, unable to say this next part while looking at Tony. “I thought you didn't love me back. Why would you? I'm a music major in a _band_ , and you're going to inherit a multi-million dollar company. You're a literal genius, Tony. You're so far out of my league you might as well be on another planet. Like the song says, babe, I thought I was a way to piss off your parents. Didn't - didn't mean I didn't catch fuckin’ feelings.” He huffs and rakes his fingers through his hair.

Tony is quiet for a long time. He's quiet for so long, Bucky has to look up to make sure he's not asleep again. Wouldn't that be his luck? But no, Tony is still awake, sitting there staring at him with wide, wide eyes. Bucky drops his eyes again, nods to himself, and stands to leave.

“Get some sleep, Tony. You look like you need it. I won't bother you anymore, okay?” Bucky walks over to the door. He hopes, just for a moment, that Tony will say something, anything, before he leaves, but he doesn't, so Bucky steps out in the hallway and shuts the door behind himself.

He doesn't get two steps away before the door opens behind him. Tony looks more than a little manic and breathless as he stands there in a stained and wrinkled tee shirt and his underwear. “Did you mean that?” he demands.

“What?” Bucky asks, shocked. “Of course I did! Why the fuck would I say it if-” Tony doesn't give him the chance to finish. He launches himself at Bucky and kisses the life out of him. Bucky stumbles under the sudden weight in his arms. He hadn't been prepared for it at all. His back hits the opposite wall, but his arms hold Tony as tight as he can.

“I love you, too,” Tony says breathlessly between kisses.

“Great for you!” a woman's voice snaps at them. Bucky looks to the side and offers the girl in the doorway beside them a sheepish smile. “Some of us are trying to sleep.” She doesn't quite slam her door behind herself, but it's a near thing. Tony laughs quietly into Bucky's shoulder.

“Come in?” Tony asks with big, pleading eyes.

“Yes,” Bucky breathes.

He doesn't leave until the morning. They skip their morning classes in favor of breakfast and a long overdue conversation about their relationship, but by the end of it, they both feel a lot better. Bucky still sings the song he wrote for Tony, but Tony just grins like a goofball and shakes his head every time the “you're not in love with me” line comes up. Things are better than they were before, and Bucky wouldn't change a thing.


	2. i keep on looking back to better days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on the song "Better Now" by Post Malone  
> Tony sees Bucky on TV while out with Rhodes and reminisces.

Tony sat at a table in the bar across from Rhodey with a glass in his hand. He couldn't take his eyes off the television behind the bar, though. While he couldn't hear the program, and the CC was too slow to really bother with, he could see  _ Bucky _ . He looked damn good, too. Older, yes, but who wasn’t? His hair was still long, but in this short interview recap, he had it braided straight back in something that looked complicated. Despite being on TV, he was still dressed down in jeans and Doc Martens and a leather jacket. Tony didn’t doubt Bucky had chosen that himself. Tony draws his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on it idly as he just watches Bucky, sees how good he looks.

“Damn, Tones,” Rhodey sighs. “You're still in love with him, aren't you?” 

Tony tears his eyes away from the program and offers Rhodey a tight smile. “Don't be silly, platypus.” Rhodey shakes his head, and Tony is familiar enough with that sort of shake to know that Rhodey doesn't quite know where to begin with arguing with what Tony just said. “He was only the love of my life. But it's okay, I promise. He's with someone else now.” Tony gestures to the TV that flashes up a picture of Bucky with some guy. They have arms their arms linked, and they’re both smiling. It’s some shitty pap shot stolen while Bucky and the guy were obviously out on a date. Tony won’t let himself figure out the guy’s name. He’s not that kind of ex. Won’t let himself be. “He looks pretty cool.” And he does, with his hipster faux-hawk and tight jeans.

“He looks like a tool,” Rhodey says flatly. “And I have it on pretty good authority that Barnes’ relationship with the guy is a publicity stunt. They don’t mind hanging out, but they aren’t anything more than friends. I keep in touch with Sam.” 

“Doesn't matter,” Tony says dismissively, tossing up a hand to go with the tone. “Life goes on. I've got a company to run, and he has tours overseas now. Not like it would work even if I wanted to try, and I don't. I was broken enough when we ended things, why would I want to do that to myself again?”

He still remembers how bad things were back then to never want to try anything like that again. He and Bucky were happy, and they were great together. Bucky’s band had just been contacted by HYDRA, one of the biggest labels in the country. Tony was finishing up his second doctorate. But then Tony’s parents had died in the car accident, and Tony had no choice by to step into the spotlight, to take over Stark Industries, to leave Bucky and everyone else behind. He’d hated every second of it, but he wasn’t going to let anyone else take responsibility for SI, either, not after he’d spent so much time on the fucking business degree to make Howard happy. 

Bucky tried to make things work for a little while. They’d video chat, text, and Bucky would come to New York for visits when he could swing it (Tony always paid for them). But it was too much trouble for them once the band signed the contract. They were suddenly recording every song Bucky had ever written, multiple times, and then once their first single hit the radio, they were magically on top of the charts. Their first album sale came with a country-wide tour: 30 concerts in 35 days. It was ridiculous, and Tony and Bucky hadn’t managed to last through that.

The screaming match they’d had over the phone hadn’t ended well. 

But it doesn’t matter that all that happened nearly four years ago. Tony has never gotten over Bucky. He isn’t sure he ever will at this point. And yeah, he’s a bit of a whore, fucking nearly anything with two legs, but he hasn’t had an actual relationship since Bucky. He never even fucks the same person twice. 

The press had caught wind of Tony having a “type” at first. Brown hair and blue eyes. Tony had heard one of those rumors and he’d made it a point to take home every other type of person for the next three months. 

Rhodey finishes off his drink. “Look, man, I'm not gonna push you into anything, okay? You know me better than that.” He signals the bartender for another round. “Let's talk about something else, okay?” 

Tony latches onto that suggestion with both hands. He jabbers Rhodey's ear off about SI, about Pepper, about anything everything other than Bucky. Rhodey is almost convinced it actually worked, except for the way Tony is downing drinks left and right in an effort to make his brain slow down for a change. Rhodey's known him too long, Tony thinks, when he finally cuts Tony off for the night. 

It's been that way almost since Bucky and Tony split. Tony began to drown his guilt over their breakup (because it was his fault, he's convinced) and his sadness over his parents’ deaths in too much liquor. Then, when the hangovers became a serious problem that began to affect his work, he turned to coke. His party crowd turned him on to heroin at one point, and Tony had to spend three months in rehab. That had worked, mostly, but Tony is still an alcoholic. Rhodes doesn't think anyone can change that part. He isn't sure he's willing to try to do anything about it, either, not when Tony might turn to something even worse instead. 

“Better Now” by Post Malone comes on just as they're leaving the bar, and Tony punches Rhodey in the arm. “This song!” Tony nearly shouts. “If - if i had to - to pick any song. You know. To send to him. Bucky. It'd. It'd be this one.” Tony nods decisively, then immediately changes the subject once again. 

Rhodey listens with half an ear while he searches up the song and reads over the lyrics. It's fitting, he thinks. He sends a link to the song to Sam with instructions for him to play it for Barnes if he ever asks about how Tony is doing. That's all Rhodey can or will say. Sam sends back a gift of someone flipping off the camera, so Rhodey finds one of CeeLo Green nodding and saying “that's cool,” which just starts a little fight of gifs to see who can respond with the best one. Tony makes some pretty great suggestions when he realizes what's happening, but he doesn't seem to realize - or care - who Rhodey is texting or why. Just as well. Rhodey doesn't want to have to explain. 

* * *

A week later, Rhodey gets a text from an unknown number. There's a confirmation number for concert tickets and the name of a hotel. The message itself says, simply, “If he’s there, I'll make it work.” Rhodey doesn't answer it, reluctant to even say he’ll try. He doesn't want to get anyone's hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [link ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYwF-jdcVjY)to the song  
> this one was much shorter than the last one, i know. sorry  
> i have one more part that's already mostly written, so i'll try to finish that up and get it posted within the next couple days  
> hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on three different songs!  
> The first is "Rebel Love Song" by Black Veil Brides.  
> The second is "Tequila" by Dan + Shay.   
> The third song and overall mood for this chapter is "When We Were Young," the Andy Black and Juliet Simms cover.
> 
> Posting this from my phone, but I'll go back later and include the links.

God, he was beautiful. It had been five years since the last time they were in the same room together, since their screening break up over the phone, since they stopped talking completely and Tony refused to listen to any of Winter Soldier's new songs. 

But Bucky was as beautiful as he had ever been. He'd cut off most of his hair, leaving it long enough to slick back, but not long enough to tie. He'd gotten a bit thinner than he used to be, back when he spent so much of his time burning off his latent anger at the gym, but he still had muscle definition for days. He had new tattoos and new piercings, and his hair had been dyed on one side with blue, pink, and purple streaks for Pride. 

Rhodey had given him the tickets to the show. He hadn't said where they'd come from, he hadn't said anything about them at all. He'd just left them on the counter in Tony's house in Malibu, and Tony had made the decision to go to the concert himself. He'd dug up one of the original band tees from before they'd signed on with HYDRA. He'd scheduled time away from SI. He'd rescheduled meetings. 

There were two VIP passes with the tickets, as well, good for a backstage meet-and-greet with the band and their headliner after the show. 

Tony had listened to the new album before going to the concert. He sang along to a few songs, drank more than was probably wise, and took more photos of Bucky than he had any right to. But Bucky was the lead singer now, and Steve was the backup vocalist. They had a heavier sound than what they'd started out with. Tony liked it. 

The band played a few hits from older albums, songs Tony recognized from the old days, back when he and Bucky had been together in college. They'd been changed, some of them quite a bit, but the lyrics were the same, and Tony wanted just a little bit to cry at the nostalgia. 

And then there was a pause. "How are you guys tonight?" Bucky asked after swallowing some water from a bottle someone had tossed him from the sides of the stage. The crowd screamed at him, and he grinned, wild and utterly satisfied. Tony ached. "So, we're about to wrap up for the night -" There were boos and other cheers. "But I have something I want to say, first. We've just cut a new deal with SHIELD records, so we will no longer be working with HYDRA. This is the last show for a little while until we can get a new tour scheduled. Until our next album drops, we wanted to give y'all something new, something I've been working on for a while." There were even louder screams now. "I wrote this song for someone in particular. Someone real damn special to me. I sure hope to fuck he's out there to hear this, too, because the song won't drop for another week. Here's 'Rebel Love Song.'"

Natasha counted them off on her sticks, and the song began. Tony could have cried. Rhodey held him close, supporting him and keeping him on his feet as they listened. Tony remembered this song. It was the one Bucky had been working his way through when they'd broken up. And sure, it was different now, but the lyrics were still the same. 

Tony wanted to scream and rage against the world for taking Bucky away from him, but it had been just as much his fault. 

Once the song was over, the band bowed and thanked everyone, and then the crowd began to disperse. 

Rhodey turned to Tony. "You wanna go see him, now?" 

"I don't know," Tony admitted. "I… fuck, Rhodey. I still love that fucker. I don't know if I can handle doing this again."

"Tony, man, you've been fucking miserable ever since the two of you split. Even if it doesn't work out, wouldn't you rather know? At least you can say you tried." 

Tony nodded. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, okay."

They made their way to the stage, and the burly security guard scanned their passes before ushering them along. Tony and Rhodey stood well back from the others in the group. Tony watched with a small, fond smile as Bucky posed for pictures and signed autographs. He was so painfully good at that. Natasha spotted them first, and then Sam. They gave Tony and Rhodey nods and small smiles, then turned their attention back to the rest of their fans. Clint and Steve were the next set to notice them, but Clint was busy signing away to a kid who absolutely loved their music, even if he was hard of hearing. 

Finally, the other people in the VIP group wandered away, bouncing and chatting and clutching their autographed gear with both hands. Tony watched Bucky look around, then saw his shoulders slump a little. 

"I'll get the others, you go get your man, Tones," Rhodey said, squeezing Tony's shoulder warmly. Tony gave him a nervous smile, but he nodded all the same. Bucky was busy talking to someone off to the side, so he didn't see Rhodey come around the corner and gesture to the others to be quiet and follow him. 

When Bucky turned around, he saw Tony, and Tony could see his breath catch in his throat. "You - you're here," he breathed. 

"Well, someone left some tickets and VIP passes in my kitchen," Tony said with a slight shrug. "I figured I'd be stupid to miss this opportunity."

Bucky walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Tony in a warm, nearly strangling embrace. "Fuck, Tony. I've missed you so damn much."

"I've missed you too," Tony admitted quietly. He pulled back a little. "It's… it's been a long time." 

"Not that long," Bucky said with a little shrug, looking more nervous now with only Tony in front of him than he had up on that stage in front of twenty thousand people. "Do you, um. Do you want to go get a drink with me?"

"Yeah," Tony breathed. "I do."

They left the venue in Tony's car, leaving everyone and everything behind just for a little while. They wound up in a small dive bar after Bucky had changed and washed off all his stage makeup. 

He ordered tequila, and Tony couldn't help but laugh a little. "You know, I can drink everything without a problem, but the second I smell tequila, I start thinking about you. I start remembering all those parties at the house with the band, the one time I came to see you at one of your shows." Tony knocked back his own shot. "I remember just how much I fucking miss you, and how badly I needed you."

"I needed you, too," Bucky agreed quietly. "Didn't want to admit it back then, but I did. Spent most of our overseas tour so drunk off my ass I could barely see straight. Pierce didn't give a fuck as long as I could still sing and play, though. Even started giving me coke to get me through the shows."

"I'm… really glad you aren't with them anymore," Tony said quietly. That had been one of the things they'd fought about. HYDRA had worked them to the bone, hardly giving them enough time to sleep, let alone actually rest and recuperate between shows like they needed. Bucky had refused to drop the label, though, convinced it would tank the band. They had been under contract, too, and even though Tony offered to buy out their contract so they could go somewhere else, Bucky hadn't wanted to hear it. 

"Me too," Bucky sighed. "I should have listened to you back then. I was stupid, though. Thought we could do it on our own. SHIELD actually bought out the contract, but their terms are worlds better than HYDRA's. We're on break for a solid year, and then we have a world tour. Fifty shows. But it's over the span of three months, so we aren't going to kill ourselves doing it. We owe them two albums, the tour, and then we're paid up. Clint and Steve both want out, you know? It's been harder on them than it has been me, Sam, and Nat."

"Steve's got a baby on the way," Tony said with a nod. "Rhodey and Sam still keep in touch. Rhodey told me."

Bucky grimaced a little. "I wish we could have… ended better than we did." He shook his head. "Trying to avoid you in the news was like trying to bury my head in the sand. Everywhere I looked, there you were, and I felt… jealous. Guilty."

"I was in the same boat," Tony said with a shrug. "Refused to listen to the radio. I made JARVIS a special command just for filtering you guys when I wanted to watch tv so I could avoid seeing you. I couldn't stand it, you know? Seeing you and remembering everything I'd lost."

They were silent together for a moment, and then Bucky reached over to grab Tony's hand. "Look, we're going to be in LA for the year. Can we - can we try again? Please?"

Tony wanted to say yes, but he also wanted to say no. Most of the reasons for both answers were the same. They still had too many responsibilities, too much travel time, no privacy at all, and it had been a long time…

"I'm not - I'm just asking for a chance," Bucky said. "If it doesn't work, okay. But at least we can say we tried?"

"Rhodey said the same thing," Tony murmured. He twisted on the stool and faced Bucky. "We'll try." He took Bucky's face in his hands and kissed him thoroughly, and he could feel Bucky's grin through it. 

\--

"I don't ever want to let you go again," Bucky admitted later that night, lying in a hotel bed, his fingers tracing over Tony's bare arm. 

"So don't," Tony said simply. "Keep me right here." 

"You feel like home," Bucky whispered against Tony's warm skin. 

"And you're like a damn dream come true," Tony agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever to wrap up and I'm terribly sorry for that. But! It's done. Also, thank you SO MUCH to everyone who suggested songs. I had so many good ones to try and chose from. 
> 
> I know this is short, but I hope it at least works as an ending. :)

**Author's Note:**

> [Link ](https://youtu.be/_IHH2ibMjIQ)to the song on YouTube.  
> This was purely self-indulgent and I have no regrets.  
> If you notice something that needs to be added to the list of tags, please tell me. I'm bad at tagging.  
> There....might be two parts after this featuring different songs - possibly more. If anyone is interested in those, let me know.


End file.
